cairns

Thinking about connections between ideas in different passages that have come up in different contexts, specifically 2 Corinthians 11:14’s angel of light, Ephesians 6’s armor, and Mathew 25’s sorting of the sheep and goats.

It’s on my mind because my mind and heart are torn by the pain of trying to live out the gospel to a person who has done everything in their power to hurt me and has succeeded.  It’s on my mind because I believe that we have power to protect each other through prayer and I thought the battle went well.  Then I went to sleep and was defenseless.  And the wounds were opened deep, old, and rotten.  I have to contemplate it all to find my own way to grace and past it.  I have to contemplate it all to live my beliefs in multiple contexts without allowing one extremely painful arena to destroy so much good in the others.

So I turned some of it outward to general theology instead of painful personal psychology.  And I was thinking about how badly the church hurts the church.  We damage each other at a far greater rate and cause more lasting damage than any outside force ever could.  And I wonder, is it because we let the pretender of light stay in our midst?  We put on “the armor,” but allow the enemy inside our circle of shields.  We read the famous goat passage as if it is a future tense once and for all event, but Jesus declared the Kingdom to already be upon us, and us to be the body.  Maybe we are supposed to be sorting out goats before they drive away sheep.

Problem is we always pick the wrong goats, the ones whose lifestyle we choose to call sin instead of our own, the broken man who confesses his wrongs instead of maintaining the charade of all our perfection, the woman does what it takes to stay alive and feed her kids in the only ways our societies provide (and who has those kids because she believed our pro-life message!)….

The parable says the goats are those who fail to provide love to all in need.  The goats are not those with sin in their life, but the lack of charity.  Maybe we are already sitting on our throne and we are supposed to invite those who do not live the gospel to gather elsewhere than in our midst.  I can promise there would be grinding of teeth.  The uncharitable quoters of scripture and pretenders at discipleship hate nothing more than to be without victims.  As for eternity, that is beyond me.

Caesar comes to mind, ruler of the known world, dying with the words, “Et tu Brute?”  It is the insider who does us in.  The outsider is easily kept at bay, locked out, labeled, abandoned and safe.  And if we do that, we too are goats.  We were supposed to be advancing in love to gather up all those in need of grace!  Instead we gather in our little circles of pretty light and all too often devour each other.

This is becoming circular.

When I find myself goatish I will repent or remove myself from the area where I can harm you, fail to serve you, fail to live out the love.

When I find you goatish, I am going to learn to hold my shield closer to my chest.  And, I may just be willing to watch you walk away into the night and the hands of One better prepared for the battle and the cure than I.

peace

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I am still fighting serious anger issues over my final interactions with a former friend and pastor.  It spills over into as well as grows out of my lifelong relationship with organized Christianity.  I have seen it be so right.  I have seen it be totally the opposite.  I have been part of the worst of it as a full and generous contributor to the problem.

When I see those who are supposed to care for God’s children and share the blessings of the Gospel as broadly as possible, making themselves the point of the exercise, the arbiter of God’s will, or just one more person justifying their existence by staying busy at their work, my humanity boils up like a volcano!  There is too much pain, not to heal.  There is too much healing Love available not to obey the command to share it.  And it is still a sin to be boring or bored with the Gospel.  There are times when I just cannot abide another moment of hollow motions or men claiming to sit in the authority seat of Christ.

Tonight it has me thinking about Jesus going to temple.  The New Testament accounts contain enough references to make it clear that it was a regular habit for Him.  By then the blessing of Abraham’s seed that was to be a blessing to all people had been turned into something far different.  Legalistic Judaism under the thumb of Rome seems to have been totally co-opted into a blessing for the leaders of an ingrown cult.  Jesus’ interactions with those leaders on many occasions leave little doubt of his opinion of them, their leadership, or what had become of the message of God’s love and blessing.  But, He went.

It puzzles me.  He must have wanted to set the people there free as dramatically as he did the sacrificial animals on the day He finally sat down and braided a whip.  He must have been offended by the leaders’ pompous self glorification.  He must have wept over, no we know He wept over the lost flocks following these worthless self centered shepherds.  I wonder what went through His mind when He looked at the curtain separating the people from the Holy of Hollies.  I wonder if He wanted to nuke the place as badly as I have sometimes wanted to put an end to harmful church practices?

Perhaps He was there specifically because He loved the devout of heart who sought the Father there.  Perhaps He was there to keep the promise made to Solomon that He would dwell there.  Perhaps He was there teaching us/me that even when it isn’t “right,” it still cannot be “left.”  The gathering of those who seek God is clearly a place where Jesus demonstrates that God chooses to show up.  Maybe I will go and try another church tomorrow.  Maybe I will go to Native American Days.  I don’t know.  Right now, it all puzzles me.

peace

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I just finished Leaving church. I love her honesty.

And, I really like the question near the end about what church might look like if it was a place where we met to discuss where and how we have experienced God and our fellow man out in the world.

(This sounds so much healthier to me than places where the very people who teach priesthood of all believers, maintain their structure and power by acting as if they dispense Him, or His message, to us [comment in a comment: that bit is about protestant clergy who claim one thing and practice another, not those who invite us into the presence of the Eucharist, or the joy of creation]).

Sitting together to discuss where we have encountered life/love/the Divine.  I like that.  That is what I already do with Doc, and Tim, and Dave, and Leah, and Sam, and Bill, and Kevin, and Scott, so many dear friends…and even my young public school students without the language of church.

The church does not own or cage the Spirit.  We/I/You do not dispense Him.  The man Jesus never wrote down a book of doctrine.  He never told his followers what kind of new temples to build, or how to conduct weekly meetings.  He left no secret code for the initiated.  He said, ‘The Kingdom is upon you and within you, Live!’

That is what I do with my friends.  We do our best.  We live.  We learn.  And when we get the chance to sit together, we share what it means to be human and to encounter Life and Truth along the Way.  I like it.  I sense the dance in it.

peace

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Had church today.  There were only two of us officially there, but at least one other fellow came over to say how much he enjoyed at least parts of the conversation.  My friend and I had lunch, shared stories of our work this summer, life’s ups and downs, Church strengths and weaknesses, hopes and frustrations.  And, it was worshipful.

We talked about the importance of realizing that we are part of the “C”hurch not hundreds of isolated churches.  We talked about things we both know good, bad, ugly, and miraculous about many different expressions of the church.  And we were in firm agreement that it is far past time for the Church to stop doing the enemy’s work by badmouthing every expression of faith that isn’t us.  We talked about hard that is, how deeply we have both been wounded at times by fellow believers, and as deep as those wounds have been — how much more it hurts to watch people miss the love of God because our petty differences become the wall of separation that prevents their view of Jesus.

At one point I was describing the great respect and love the MHM Conference folks showed Marjorie Foyle last year even when she was taking them to task for things that need changed and improved, even when she was discussing the shifts God has caused in her own beliefs in a lifetime of field work, even when she finished speaking.  Nobody spoke to try and prove they were wiser.  Nobody questioned her faith or beliefs.  Nobody disrupted with other agendas.  She has earned it through a life of loyal service there is no doubt.  But, I was also saying I want to be part of a church that treats honest followers with that kind of love and respect.

My friend brought me up a bit short with, “Well, good luck finding that!”  And, it brought me back to recent discussions here.  I assured him, regardless of human failings and organizational flaws that we will always have, I want to BE that church.  We parted in full agreement on that.  We want to BE the Church that lives out the relationship of Jesus Christ to each other, and all others.  Let those who take joy in fighting win the debates and battles.  Its time to walk together in Christian love.  It still has the power to save lives and change the world.

peace

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