Tired

H1N1 is taking several kids a day out of the school, although all 28 showed up for the fourth grade excursion to Vincennes in the cold rain yesterday. Only one absent today. They really behaved and paid attention well. Almost all of them are getting straight “A” report cards tomorrow, which I have made them earn. The hardest thing is getting them to engage material that actually requires them to think about information and apply it beyond what they can do instantly. They want to either give a quick meaningless answer, or give up and ask to just be told what to write.

We are getting there. But, it is exhausting. Took them through a discussion today which I hope helped them see that the real problem is not lack of intellect, or willingness to work, but fear of failure. Have three fourths of a year left to convince them to open their minds and see what amazing things travel in and out!

Everyday is an adventure. But right now I feel like I just came down Quandary and need a stop at the gatoraid store!

peace

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a sermon I have yet to hear

Even after all these years in the midst of Easter weekend I hear the haunting tune, “I don’t know how to love Him..(questioningly) he’s just a man…He scares me so!”

I have walked with Him through wealth and poverty, safety, adventure, and danger.  I have celebrated, danced and mourned with Him.  And yet, I do not, cannot, KNOW Him, fully comprehend Him, grasp Him.  What is He doing when disease hits that does not respond to prayer (why does he linger while His friend dies?)?  Where is He when the road He sends me on becomes too steep, too hard, too far?  Where is He when real things my culture does not even acknowledge go bump in the night?  Where is He when evil grows  ever stronger and reaps so much destruction on both creation and humanity?  Where is He when our own children break the promise to grow as they have been raised?

In spite of all the nice things, reassuring things, promising things, Biblical things we preach, life is full of these Easter Saturdays when nothing tangible makes sense, when life does not seem survivable, where the soul experiences the dark night of loneliness.  I often feel closest to Him as He cries on Friday, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani!”

I am headed to a quiet place with my wife, away from all the confusion, and like the women at the cross, we will wait for tomorrow and ponder this man who transcends all we understand.

peace

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Another twist

For me the story has little to do with fear at all.  Concern for fellow man and the world God left us to care for, yes.  Fear no.  Its about seeking the living experienced presence of the One Who is Holy.

I have reached a point in my life where I say along with Paul that “to die is gain.” and with Job, “Though He slay me, I will trust Him.”  It really isn’t about fear for me at all.  Whether the boat floats or sinks, I just want to be with Jesus.  I guess maybe the test would be whether we are just as likely to say, “Hey Jesus! Look at that scene of beauty, act of mercy, or moment of joy!” That doesn’t mean I didn’t scream like a baby and nearly jerk both my wife and my own arms out of socket when she held onto my hand (when I am startled, I swing!) and woke me from deep sleep to announce the water was back on! LOL Only that once out of the realm of dreams, my life is not dominated by fear.

So much of our western theology has become about what we get from God, including both prosperity and personal health and safety.  It isn’t strongly Biblical.  The true desire of the heart is for God.  We are distracted by our humanness to focus on the needs and requests of our heart which we rightly bring to place at the throne.  But, the bottom line is not whether we get any of the other things we want.  It is whether we are with God. The disciples were not there yet that day on the boat, or on crucifixion Friday.  But, they got there through resurrection and Pentecost. In the end, death had no hold on them by boat and storm, or cross, or fire.  They only held to Him.  Then, yes “true love (for Him as a gift to us given by Him) drives out all fear.”

“I’d rather have Jesus than anything…this old world affords today.”

That’s at least where I am headed.  I believe that is where this trail leads, to a total desire for communion with the Savior who is also Creator and Sustainer.  Then He will guide us in the works He has prepared for us since the beginning of time in proper reverence for both Creator and Creation.

peace

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To be very clear

I keep musing about the boat because we are once again in a boat that appears ready to sink.  We are in two declared wars with connections to many other conflicts.  We have a failing economy.  And both of those pale compared to the fact that our planet may have exceeded its capacity to sustain our high impact life styles.  There may be no solution that takes us back to what we thought was normal.  This way of life may be done for.  And, when our modern boats go down they wipe out the whole lake eco-system!

It is very comforting then to see this Jesus who continues to be at one with natural world, Who holds the universe in place by his thought.  There is far more at stake here than our 401Ks.  And it matters that we know how to turn to the Divine, even if we find ourselves chastised.  We are not innocent victims in the current storm.  We have lived far beyond our means and the capacity of the planet.  We have been busy punching holes in our own boat!  So, it is a metaphor that resonates with me right now.

S tells me the Native Americans may be about to finally win the war after all as the only ones who still know how to live without all the extras of our economy.  I know we could have paid far more attention to what they had to teach us about the respect Creator God gave man for all life, before we told them they had to change what they called God and all their culture to match our Euro-centered supposed superiority.  I don’t know if there is much hope in their corner either, the damage we continue to do may beyond what any of us have the capacity to deal with.  I have seen up close how harsh our crushing of the Native life has been.

But, tonight I have two other thoughts.  First I see hope in the change which becomes official on Tuesday.  Maybe, just maybe, we have an opportunity to rise above who we have been and seek the people we have claimed to be.  Maybe we have a chance to recognize others in the two-thirds world as our true brothers whose lives must also be cared for even now.  Maybe we can stop to realize that constantly disappearing species are an affront to Creator God which even the most fundamentalist reader of scripture must acknowledge.  Maybe we have a chance to come together and begin to look for a new path with a heart.

Also from a completely different angle, today I was reading a classic on humility and surrender and came across the scene of Jesus on the Mount of Olives, sweating blood before God in anticipation of what was to come before declaring the Divine fiat which restored us to relationship with God and empowered Him to endure the cross.  Perhaps the only reason we do not use “fear” in describing this scene is that we fear it would be blasphemous.  But, Jesus is upset here!  He is in agony because He knows what is coming and how bad it will be.  And, I do not think it is a stretch at all to say that like us He turns to God and says, “You awake?  Can you help me here?”  Then He obeys.  I wonder if my pastor friend would dare to say Jesus needed to spend more time with Jesus, reading the scrolls, hanging out with the disciples, or going to temple?

L, hit it on the head as far as I can see.  We are called to go where any sane soul would quake in order to do the works prepared for us.  So we go, and we say without shame, “Hey Jesus, these waves are getting big!”

I do not see any human leader as the embodiment of that divine hope.  But, I as I sit here tonight, I am hopeful that Jesus just might be answering,  “I have given you a new leader, a new start, a new chance at hope, a new potential for relationship with the rest of the planet, so trust in Me but listen when he calls you to action.”  There is work to be done and its our boat.  I do not believe it will be magic or easy.  But, I know the Savior who built, sustains, and loves the boat, and I sense new hope for what is possible with the leader we have chosen.

peace

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Maybe its time to find an empty space

and be the change we want in the world…

Would have to remember that thousands have tried to be the ones who finally “get it right” and avoid that trap.  There is no “next best thing” just ragamuffins stumbling along the way together.  Then, maybe just maybe, if we found a place to just get together in an accepting, healing, encouraging way…maybe…

peace

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