cairns

Thinking about connections between ideas in different passages that have come up in different contexts, specifically 2 Corinthians 11:14’s angel of light, Ephesians 6’s armor, and Mathew 25’s sorting of the sheep and goats.

It’s on my mind because my mind and heart are torn by the pain of trying to live out the gospel to a person who has done everything in their power to hurt me and has succeeded.  It’s on my mind because I believe that we have power to protect each other through prayer and I thought the battle went well.  Then I went to sleep and was defenseless.  And the wounds were opened deep, old, and rotten.  I have to contemplate it all to find my own way to grace and past it.  I have to contemplate it all to live my beliefs in multiple contexts without allowing one extremely painful arena to destroy so much good in the others.

So I turned some of it outward to general theology instead of painful personal psychology.  And I was thinking about how badly the church hurts the church.  We damage each other at a far greater rate and cause more lasting damage than any outside force ever could.  And I wonder, is it because we let the pretender of light stay in our midst?  We put on “the armor,” but allow the enemy inside our circle of shields.  We read the famous goat passage as if it is a future tense once and for all event, but Jesus declared the Kingdom to already be upon us, and us to be the body.  Maybe we are supposed to be sorting out goats before they drive away sheep.

Problem is we always pick the wrong goats, the ones whose lifestyle we choose to call sin instead of our own, the broken man who confesses his wrongs instead of maintaining the charade of all our perfection, the woman does what it takes to stay alive and feed her kids in the only ways our societies provide (and who has those kids because she believed our pro-life message!)….

The parable says the goats are those who fail to provide love to all in need.  The goats are not those with sin in their life, but the lack of charity.  Maybe we are already sitting on our throne and we are supposed to invite those who do not live the gospel to gather elsewhere than in our midst.  I can promise there would be grinding of teeth.  The uncharitable quoters of scripture and pretenders at discipleship hate nothing more than to be without victims.  As for eternity, that is beyond me.

Caesar comes to mind, ruler of the known world, dying with the words, “Et tu Brute?”  It is the insider who does us in.  The outsider is easily kept at bay, locked out, labeled, abandoned and safe.  And if we do that, we too are goats.  We were supposed to be advancing in love to gather up all those in need of grace!  Instead we gather in our little circles of pretty light and all too often devour each other.

This is becoming circular.

When I find myself goatish I will repent or remove myself from the area where I can harm you, fail to serve you, fail to live out the love.

When I find you goatish, I am going to learn to hold my shield closer to my chest.  And, I may just be willing to watch you walk away into the night and the hands of One better prepared for the battle and the cure than I.

peace

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Reconnected with another old friend tonight, a young man I am very proud of — overcame mistakes of youth to build a life and serve others.

Conversation quickly revealed that his early success in life led to some bad decisions, worse results, and (I wish this part was surprising) rejection by his church.  Another group claiming to represent the God who would die to be with us, by refusing to affiliate with somebody honest enough to admit they are not perfect.  The “we” I have been part of most of my life makes me want to puke.  How do we mess the good news of God’s love up so badly and so often?  Do we really understand it in our own lives?

I am playing with a new idea.  I would like to start getting together on some regular basis with this young man, my “red path” friend, maybe the slightly older friend who has so often told me what is around the next bend in the road, anybody honest enough to be themselves!  Instead of a being a “church,” we would just be us.  Instead of trying to “save” each other we would support each other.  Instead of “applying the Bible with love” in order to pass judgment on each other, we would accept each other as we all stumble homeward.

If this sounds interesting to anybody else who lives near Evansville, think about it and let me know.  I am serious about just getting together with some other people who are ready to be real, to be human and humane, to be together.

peace,

Greg

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A good friend going through hell caused by one of the very people a person is always supposed to be able to trust, opened a chat with me this evening.

Had to ask me if it was safe to express strong negative feelings about the other person.  Apologized if my wife and I have been let down in any way by the other person’s life not following the perfect path everyone imagines.  The pain is so tangible you can feel it coming through short chat window conversation bites.  And yet the questions and apologies seemed necessary to them.  On my end, I was deeply honored and touched to be trusted and allowed to be a friend when friends are all one has.

But Lord!  May God forgive me for every time I have been, or in the future will slip and be, a person that needs to be asked those questions or given that apology!  If we cannot accept each other when life is raw and the need for friends is real, then we have never really accepted each other at all.

If God only loved us when we deserved it, we’d all be toast.  He loves us even while we are running off with the family fortune with the prodigal, when we are the self-righteous self-pitying older brother, and when we are the pigs!  Granted that we express imperfectly all of the virtues, can our standard for caring about each other be any less than unconditional after the love we have been given?  I begin again to understand just how damaging the theologies of God only loving the correct few really are.  They leave even the best of us wondering if we are really good enough when the chips are down.  If we are willing to believe that God rejects “them,” whoever “they” are, then it becomes so easy to believe that we can follow suit.  Then we live in fear that anyone who truly knows us will decide we are “them.”  The only alternative for a truly caring human being is to love, period.  May the Truth break through in fresh and amazing ways that God does exactly that for all of us, leaving no “them.”

This is the Church I love! I love the Church (in a cathedral, a forest, or a prison) when she is a place for wounded ragamuffins to come together brave enough to share the truth (especially when Truth seems far away) and say, “Hold on for me while I am too weak to sustain myself.”  When our cries to each other become heart cries to God, not fodder for gossip filled “prayer chains;”  when we are willing to laugh and sing, but also weep and bleed in unity; when we are willing to “be there” regardless; when we are willing to put aside anything that damages our ability to love as we are loved — That’s Church.  That’s Incarnation.  That’s Communion.  That is when the Kingdom shines through the darkness.

God bless everyone of you who has been and continues to be that kind of friend to, for, and with me (whether you express it in these words or not), you are the Church.  Keep making little moves against the darkness.  You may be the last lifeline.  If you need me, know that my loyalty has no riders or qualifications.  I count on the same from you.

Be blessed.  You are treasured more than prosperity, fame, or mortal life.  You are the visible expression of the invisible God.  Together we will find ourselves a home.

peace

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…Of all those groups, the group with the largest percentage of war supporters are church-going Evangelical Christians.

The older I get and the longer I live with the Gospels, reading, studying and reflecting on them on an almost daily basis, the more I am aware of the huge disconnect between the church and what it has become and Jesus and who he was and what his ministry was.  I find the results of the poll mentioned above just plain embarrassing.  We should all be putting on sack cloth and ashes…

And when Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you, not as the world…” he meant just exactly that.  The peace known to his world (and well known, by the way) was Pax Romana, the peace of Rome established by victory in war (sound familiar?) and maintained by violence (even the violence of the cross, inflicted on Jesus himself to maintain the Pax Romana).  Jesus offered a different peace brought about by non-violent resistance to the oppressive powers.

And we are his church.  Or are we?

Kendall Brown, pastor (no relation as far as I know, quote above exactly as written in church bulletin)

Thanks, Sam!

peace

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A more disturbing thought is playing across my mind and spirit this evening.  What if the church’s great heresy is that she dares to proclaim that she IS God?

[My own language tells me that I do not buy it, as I use the feminine and historically subordinate female pronoun for the church compared to the masculine pronoun for God.]

But, memories race back of the tithing sermon sequence which so offended me that it was the last I listened to at CCC.  The preacher, who conducts his own actions with much humility, actually claimed that to give one’s tithe anywhere but to the church was anti-scriptural and “should not be considered any more of a personal choice than telling the IRS you gave your tax money to another place.”  At the time I was offended by the implied insult to other ministries and missions, and I was offended that he was telling rich people giving God ten or twelve percent and hording the rest is Bible.  Now, it dawns on me that the gifts are God’s and causes me to question if we have reached a point where the church claims to be God.

I have frequently been told that to separate from the church is to isolate oneself from the care and work of God.

I know the Church has historically claimed to hold the keys to heaven with excommunication representing an eternal death sentence.

I know the place I grew up believed that we alone possessed all truth.

In the non-congregational non-denominational setting where I have been for the last decades, all claim to authority is seated with the pastors and elders.  There is no perceived need to include or allow others into the (self described) prayerful process of important decisions other than to congratulate and praise the work of the leaders.  Have we crossed a line where the leaders of the institution now are actually claiming to be God even while they would recoil at the suggestion?

How many times have we taken credit for the work and wonders of God even while using language that claims we are giving it to Him.

How much of my own desire for a pastoral position is tainted by a desire to be part of that club rather than the pure motives I claim?

I remember growing up singing Larry Norman’s “One Way,” wearing the sweatshirt, and displaying the accompanying hand signs.  While I struggle with the basic theology of it now in its most restrictive forms, I wonder how many times what American Christians really meant wasn’t even Jesus but our chosen expression of the Church…

Maybe I am just to cynical right now to read the self congratulatory things that Christians seem to write on Facebook!  Maybe I just need to listen to the Beatles for awhile instead and “Let It Be.”

peace

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Years ago the teachers at Christa McAuliffe and I worked for about two years to create a mission statement that truly said who we were and what we did.  What we were inspired to choose after many too complicated efforts was, “Christa McAuliffe is a safe place for every member to learn and grow.”  We used “member” instead of “student” partially as one of many efforts to be less like what the kids had previously experienced as schooling, and partially to indicate that it included the adults as well as the young people.  The Superintendent who sent us there, understood…mostly.  The one after him did not understand anything we did.  He is the one who allowed the program to be dismantled, and caused me to choose life back in the classroom.

The new Superintendent is a person of intelligence, vision, and action.  My daughter’s high school was in bad shape.  Her health was in bad shape partially from the psychologically toxic environment there.  Our family was in bad shape because the poison came home.  This summer the new Superintendent replaced the leadership of the high school with people who reversed the trends there in the very first day of student attendance.  What did the principal tell them?  “This is no longer a dangerous place or a jail.  This is a place dedicated to knowledge and growth.”

I still cannot say it any better.  If I ever get the chance to create another space that is Truly safe for people to continue to learn and to grow, maybe I will call it a school.  Or just maybe, I will call it a church.

peace

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Had church today.  There were only two of us officially there, but at least one other fellow came over to say how much he enjoyed at least parts of the conversation.  My friend and I had lunch, shared stories of our work this summer, life’s ups and downs, Church strengths and weaknesses, hopes and frustrations.  And, it was worshipful.

We talked about the importance of realizing that we are part of the “C”hurch not hundreds of isolated churches.  We talked about things we both know good, bad, ugly, and miraculous about many different expressions of the church.  And we were in firm agreement that it is far past time for the Church to stop doing the enemy’s work by badmouthing every expression of faith that isn’t us.  We talked about hard that is, how deeply we have both been wounded at times by fellow believers, and as deep as those wounds have been — how much more it hurts to watch people miss the love of God because our petty differences become the wall of separation that prevents their view of Jesus.

At one point I was describing the great respect and love the MHM Conference folks showed Marjorie Foyle last year even when she was taking them to task for things that need changed and improved, even when she was discussing the shifts God has caused in her own beliefs in a lifetime of field work, even when she finished speaking.  Nobody spoke to try and prove they were wiser.  Nobody questioned her faith or beliefs.  Nobody disrupted with other agendas.  She has earned it through a life of loyal service there is no doubt.  But, I was also saying I want to be part of a church that treats honest followers with that kind of love and respect.

My friend brought me up a bit short with, “Well, good luck finding that!”  And, it brought me back to recent discussions here.  I assured him, regardless of human failings and organizational flaws that we will always have, I want to BE that church.  We parted in full agreement on that.  We want to BE the Church that lives out the relationship of Jesus Christ to each other, and all others.  Let those who take joy in fighting win the debates and battles.  Its time to walk together in Christian love.  It still has the power to save lives and change the world.

peace

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My students in China did a wonderfully funny song and dance at their senior banquet that started out with lyrics about “I want a prof…”  With many thanks to them, it suggests a format to me for thinking about what I am looking for in a church.  I’ll start it, maybe others will help me clarify.  And, like I tell my students sometimes having  the dream first, makes reality happen.

I want a church with faith strong enough to admit how much we don’t know,

I want a church that worships God because God is too big for us to understand, label, and own.

I want a church that celebrates our diversity, all of it, as evidence of holy creativity beyond our grasp.

I wanna church that expects honesty from hurting, confused, lonely people — us.

I wanna church that recognizes the reality of the ethereal.

I wanna church that doubts the surety of what visibly surrounds us.

I wanna church that hopes (even when we don’t have a vision, mission, goals, and action steps plan).

I wanna church that loves.  period.  But, it can’t be period, it has to be defined.  I wanna church that loves people who do not believe what others believe, do not do what everybody else says they should do, and dare to ask us questions we cannot answer — again us, all of us.

I wanna church that truly believes in the priesthood of all followers of Jesus.

I wanna church that makes (no that’s wrong, that let’s) me think, weep, laugh, dance, pray, grow, go, and stop.

I wanna church that is less like pews of costumed people, and more like a circle of my cousins and friends sitting around a fire in the dark!

Well, that’s a start, … again … later I’ll go back and read and see if its further along than the last time I tried.  All contributions welcome. 8^)

peace

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Tolstoy rejected the miracles as medieval superstition at best, and contrivances of those who came to power to justify their authority at worst.  He rejected the church as having become both intertwined with the state and another institution for the domination of the people.  He rejected all claims that a servant of Christ was called upon to be a loyal servant of any other current state or power other than God’s Kingdom.

Yet, he took the words of Christ seriously.  He considered every call of Christ for men to live in the new Kingdom now as a valid claim upon our lives.  He believed that Christ’s commands to love our enemies and turn the other cheek were real and binding calls upon the believer to stop participating in acts of violence, or supporting  others who carry out those acts in the name of either God or state.  He believed that Jesus meant what he said and that the coming of the Kingdom as a visible force on earth waited only for those who would finally do what Christ called us all to do.

It reminds me of the Screwtape letters of C.S. Lewis.  How much of heaven have we wasted arguing about every part of Christianity other than what it should look like to live out the teachings of Christ?  How easily has the enemy distracted us from considering what a life sold out in love of God and ALL our fellow creatures should look like?  Why do we quibble about the finest distinctions between expressions of the church, and fail to really consider what Christ said and what the life He called us to is?  Could it be that we have been duped?  Could it be that the enemy is laughing as we drive off to church and then out to eat while the world starves and our nations kill each other?

peace

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“Sometimes I think there is really only one Christian denomination in America: American Civil Religion — a consumerist, militarist, therapeutic, colonial, nationalist chaplaincy that baptizes and blesses whatever the richest and most powerful nation on the planet wants to do.”

Brian McLaren in The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.

The next sentence begins, “But then I hear a voice like Shane’s…”

We better hope he is wrong in the first sentence and I am just starting Shane’s book to see what different voice he raises.  But, if he is correct in the first sentence, where does that leave the American church when its master is neither the wealthiest nor the most powerful on earth? The data is already in.  That day is fast approaching.

We can keep our heads in the sand.  But then the only side of Christianity the world will see is the one today’s popular TV and radio hosts already display so brazenly.

I’m going to see what Shane has to say, then go back and read Tolstoy.  Bought both with a gift card from one of my young students today.  And, I am going to visit the nation best poised to overtake us.  Meanwhile, I will be contemplating whether the church will ever join those of us looking for our way back to The Way.

peace

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